2008 Woodie Awards
That's not Aunt Viv! THAT'S NOT AUNT VIV!
Rich Knight
Issue date: 12/12/05 Section: Life & Leisure
"That's not Aunt Viv!" I shrieked. "THAT'S NOT AUNT VIV!"
I hopped up and down on my futon and pulled out strands of curly hair that would later never grow back (I guess the stress was too severe.)
Last I remember, Aunt Viv was a very dark-skinned, skinny twig of a woman with poofy, 1989 hair even though it was already well into the 90s by this point.
And what did I have now? A very light-skinned, smiling like-she's-been-there-since-the-beginning charlatan that everyone (EVEN WILL!) was now calling mom and AUNT VIV!
"But that's not Aunt Viv! THAT'S NOT AUNT VIV!" I screamed again at the television, even though none of them on the glowing screen was listening to my torment.
The new actress, it turns out, was named Daphne Reid, and she took the place of, it says here on Wikipedia, Janet Hubert-Whitten due to differences she had with other cast members.
But none of that mattered to me at the time. (My state of shock was slowly giving me an aneurysm!) All that did matter was that they changed Aunt Viv and everybody acted like NOTHING HAD EVEN HAPPENED!
I knocked the crumbs off of my lap, spilled my clear cola on the floor and attempted to tear out my eyes like Oedipus...but then I realized that I wore really thick glasses and that I could claw for days on end and STILL not get anywhere near my eyes behind those fat frames.
And that was that. The official moment when TV had forever lost my theretofore unwavering love. I didn't know who to trust anymore. TV had pushed me over the edge and I had gone insane.
Years later, after my family wheeled me out of the insane asylum, I finally was reunited with my old place on the futon. And while the doctors at the institute said I was a changed man, I still had to wear a muzzle around the house.
With a nervous tick and a terrible stutter, I told my family that it was alright to turn on the television again -I promised I wouldn't have another "scene" like before. In fact, the large "SANE" stamp I had on my release papers was a sure sign that I was back to normal condition. The year was 1995.
I hopped up and down on my futon and pulled out strands of curly hair that would later never grow back (I guess the stress was too severe.)
Last I remember, Aunt Viv was a very dark-skinned, skinny twig of a woman with poofy, 1989 hair even though it was already well into the 90s by this point.
And what did I have now? A very light-skinned, smiling like-she's-been-there-since-the-beginning charlatan that everyone (EVEN WILL!) was now calling mom and AUNT VIV!
"But that's not Aunt Viv! THAT'S NOT AUNT VIV!" I screamed again at the television, even though none of them on the glowing screen was listening to my torment.
The new actress, it turns out, was named Daphne Reid, and she took the place of, it says here on Wikipedia, Janet Hubert-Whitten due to differences she had with other cast members.
But none of that mattered to me at the time. (My state of shock was slowly giving me an aneurysm!) All that did matter was that they changed Aunt Viv and everybody acted like NOTHING HAD EVEN HAPPENED!
I knocked the crumbs off of my lap, spilled my clear cola on the floor and attempted to tear out my eyes like Oedipus...but then I realized that I wore really thick glasses and that I could claw for days on end and STILL not get anywhere near my eyes behind those fat frames.
And that was that. The official moment when TV had forever lost my theretofore unwavering love. I didn't know who to trust anymore. TV had pushed me over the edge and I had gone insane.
Years later, after my family wheeled me out of the insane asylum, I finally was reunited with my old place on the futon. And while the doctors at the institute said I was a changed man, I still had to wear a muzzle around the house.
With a nervous tick and a terrible stutter, I told my family that it was alright to turn on the television again -I promised I wouldn't have another "scene" like before. In fact, the large "SANE" stamp I had on my release papers was a sure sign that I was back to normal condition. The year was 1995.