2008 Woodie Awards
Zombies, Guts, and Grandmas
BRYAN BUCCO, OBSERVER CONTRIBUTOR
Issue date: 10/13/08 Section: Life & Leisure
Few movies bring more pleasure to an American man's heart than one filled with vivid depictions of gore and the unnecessary, but always appreciated, amount of second rate boobage.
Unfortunately the movie I am recommending lacks the latter of those two, (excluding the 20 foot man eating a naked grandmother at the end… oh, spoiler alert). "Dead Alive" makes up for this monumental lack of milk bags by fulfilling its duty in the gore department more than any other movie I have yet to see. I'm not trying to spit up your ass here; this movie simply is the bloodiest movie you ever have and ever will ever see.
The story is elementarily simple: a zombie monkey-rat is captured from Africa and bites an old lady at the zoo. Flash forward a few scenes, and you've got a town full of zombies running around swallowing people's faces.
I know, I know, it sounds like it's just another Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie, but I assure you it isn't.
As every other zombie movie, it follows the same plot pattern; the disease spreads and some young guy takes it into his own hands to slay as many of the bastards as he can (naturally, to save his woman).
Directed by a young, less fatty Peter Jackson, this movie contains some of the most unrealistic (in the good way) and imaginative deaths you could ever want. Imagine if Guillermo del Toro had a baby with Sam Raimi ("Evil Dead" era), and then Peter Jackson swallowed that baby and crapped it out into a script, that would be this movie. From fisting through a woman's face and swallowing a full-sized German Shepard to an ass kicking karate priest, the "Lord of the Rings" director displays his award winning creativity in a much less hobbit-esque way.
The special effects, or lack there of, really trigger a nostalgic feeling, bringing back memories of classic prop-gore best seen in sci-fi's like "The Thing" and "The Blob." I also don't want to give the impression that this is in any category with the low budgeted Troma movies that, while entertaining, really captivate due because of how poorly made they are and (of course) their well written…tits.
Unfortunately the movie I am recommending lacks the latter of those two, (excluding the 20 foot man eating a naked grandmother at the end… oh, spoiler alert). "Dead Alive" makes up for this monumental lack of milk bags by fulfilling its duty in the gore department more than any other movie I have yet to see. I'm not trying to spit up your ass here; this movie simply is the bloodiest movie you ever have and ever will ever see.
The story is elementarily simple: a zombie monkey-rat is captured from Africa and bites an old lady at the zoo. Flash forward a few scenes, and you've got a town full of zombies running around swallowing people's faces.
I know, I know, it sounds like it's just another Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie, but I assure you it isn't.
As every other zombie movie, it follows the same plot pattern; the disease spreads and some young guy takes it into his own hands to slay as many of the bastards as he can (naturally, to save his woman).
Directed by a young, less fatty Peter Jackson, this movie contains some of the most unrealistic (in the good way) and imaginative deaths you could ever want. Imagine if Guillermo del Toro had a baby with Sam Raimi ("Evil Dead" era), and then Peter Jackson swallowed that baby and crapped it out into a script, that would be this movie. From fisting through a woman's face and swallowing a full-sized German Shepard to an ass kicking karate priest, the "Lord of the Rings" director displays his award winning creativity in a much less hobbit-esque way.
The special effects, or lack there of, really trigger a nostalgic feeling, bringing back memories of classic prop-gore best seen in sci-fi's like "The Thing" and "The Blob." I also don't want to give the impression that this is in any category with the low budgeted Troma movies that, while entertaining, really captivate due because of how poorly made they are and (of course) their well written…tits.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Granny(of Looney Toons Fame)
posted 10/15/08 @ 7:07 PM EST
I love naked Zombie Grandmothers... and handys!!!! Sign me up!!!
joe bucco
posted 10/22/08 @ 3:02 PM EST
What the hell am I sending you to college for? Quite watching that garbage and study harder.
Post a Comment